Pride month: ending domestic violence in LGBTIQ+ communities

Rebecca Archer

Welcome to The Remarkables, Grant Thornton's podcast series dedicated to sharing extraordinary stories of individuals who are making significant contributions to their communities. 

Please note that this episode contains discussions on family and domestic violence, which some listeners may find distressing. If you or someone you know is affected by these issues, we encourage you to seek support from professional services. 

I'm Rebecca Archer, and today we're talking with Ben Bjarnesen. Ben's a police officer, educator and campaigner who is passionate about teaching people about their right to live a life free from domestic violence.

After his own experience of violence and abuse in a previous relationship, Ben was the recipient of a Churchill Fellowship, allowing him to investigate best practice solutions in police departments internationally on how to respond to domestic family and intimate partner violence in LGBTQ+ communities. In 2020, he founded the LGBTQ+ Domestic Violence Awareness Foundation. We're looking forward to this chat in recognition of Pride Month. Welcome, Ben.

Ben Bjarnesen 

Thank you very much for having me.

Rebecca Archer 

Now, to kick off the episode, we're going to just jump straight into a bit of a rapid-fire round, if that's okay with you. I'm going to ask you some questions at random where you can respond with just whatever comes to mind. First off, what is the most remarkable advice you've ever received?

Ben Bjarnesen 

One person that gave me some great advice years ago was they said, you know, the hands of change move really slowly. And that can be a good thing, though, because those tiny changes aren't always noticeable to those who oppose you. But those changes can eventually become an avalanche. So that was really relevant to me, I guess through my work in the LGBTIQ space. There was obviously a lot of opposition a lot of the time. So the things that I wanted to do but being able to get things over time really resonated with that advice that person gave me.

Rebecca Archer 

All right, next question. What has been a pivotal moment in your career?

Ben Bjarnesen 

I would have to say probably when I received a Churchill fellowship back in 2016; that really changed the course of my career and my life as a result of doing that research and writing a paper on that. So, yeah, Churchill Fellowship would have to be it, I'd say.

Rebecca Archer 

And just finally, what makes something or someone remarkable? 

Ben Bjarnesen 

Being remarkable is about making a meaningful impact by showing it with purpose, with authenticity, and just having the courage to make a difference.

Rebecca Archer 

Ben, thank you for answering those rapid-fire round questions. Now let's step it back a bit and if we can hear a little bit about exactly what made you want to become a police officer.

Ben Bjarnesen

Yeah, so it started back in 2007, I guess before that I'd always wanted to be a police officer. Going through school, I did work experience with the Goondiwindi Police Station. But it was something that I guess I put on hold because of my mother. She was rightly so very worried about safety and that sort of thing, being a police officer. So I didn't want to stress her out too much. So for a little while, a couple of years at least, I put that on hold and followed my other passion into agriculture and studied agribusiness and worked in that sector for a while before then joining the police. So started 2007 and started working in Ipswich and went on from there to a number of other regional and rural remote places before coming back to Brisbane about 13 years ago.

Rebecca Archer

What was the drive there? What was the attraction to that specific profession?

Ben Bjarnesen 

I think it was just having a job that was meaningful, where you could help people where every day was different and it still is 17 years later. There's no two shift that's the same and you never know what your day is going to bring. So I really like that part about it.

Rebecca Archer 

And was there a particular catalyst that really inspired the current advocacy work that you're involved in?

Ben Bjarnesen 

Yeah. So in 2009, I was based in a little town called Tara. At that time, I wasn't ‘out’ about being gay in the police. I was to a number of friends and things like that, and somehow some local criminals found out about this and made some threats against me because of my sexuality. So I ended up having to come out within the police service for my safety and within the community. So that was a pretty daunting and horrible experience. It was very secretive and stressful and wasn't sure how I'd be treated coming out within the QPS. So after having that experience, I knew what the fear and anxiety was that people experienced when they were reporting to police and really wanted to help alleviate that for a lot of our LGBTQ people.

So that's really where it started, just wanting to be a safe and visible person for LGBTQ people to contact if they needed to report any crimes or domestic violence.

Rebecca Archer 

Were you surprised at all by how your colleagues or the broader QPS organization responded or reacted to the news that you were coming out?

Ben Bjarnesen

Yeah, it was. It was a bit of a difficult one because, like I said, it was because of those threats and I sort of had to put my hand up and say, “yep, that's me they're talking about, that they want to harm”. But, no, look, I had a really good story, thankfully. I know that's not the same for some people, but I then transferred from Tara out to Roma just to help keep me safe and had a really fantastic experience out there, both within the workplace and within the community. So that was great.

Rebecca Archer 

Ben, what change do you believe needs to happen in Australia to end the cycle of family domestic violence in LGBTQ communities?

Ben Bjarnesen 

Like the foundation that I started within, the name is Awareness and Education. So I think we've come a long way in the last 10 or so years when it comes to awareness and recognition of men using violence against women. But there's still a long way to go when it comes to the recognition and identification of domestic and family violence in LGBTQ+ communities. I think there needs to be more recognition of domestic and family violence in our communities, more conversations, more awareness. And along with that, we need more services that are inclusive and safe places for LGBTQ+ people to go, both supporting victim survivors, but also perpetrators of domestic and family violence to help them change their behaviour. Because at the moment, there's just such limited services that can actually support our communities.

Rebecca Archer 

I guess this is a tricky question, but from your experience, what do you think should be the starting point?

Ben Bjarnesen 

I think we need to upskill our frontline workers, our organisations that respond to domestic and family violence as a starting point to make sure that when LGBTQ people do experience violence or recognise abuse in their relationships, that they know that they're going to be safely supported and not discriminated against and actually be able to access a service. 

Because with the current funding specifications in a lot of states, it actually prohibits LGBTQ people from accessing those services based off their funding. So, you know, having those services available and upskilled and LGBTQ aware, I think, is the first step. Secondly, just for that general community awareness. So, you know, myself, when I had my own experience, I wasn't recognising what I was experiencing as DV. So, you know, and as a police officer, you know, if I wasn't recognising that, what hope did the broader community have that weren't working in the sector? 

So, I think more education, awareness in our communities to recognize what the signs are in both our own relationships; but also in our friends, our work colleagues, our family members, recognising what those signs are and then how to start those conversations with that person to try and support them in a resolution that's best for them, that they want in making themselves safe.

Rebecca Archer 

At what point did you actually become aware that the behaviour you were experiencing in your own relationship was, in fact, domestic violence?

Ben Bjarnesen 

Yeah, for a long time I, you know, made excuses for the perpetrator, as did they, and blamed it on things like mental health issues or stress at work or a bad childhood or alcohol use. So, and rather than actually naming it and saying, this is domestic violence, it was always put, you know, the cause was always made to be something else. So it wasn't until I did a relationship checklist, it was called, that I found on a LGBTQ DV website and ticked nearly every box that I actually finally realised, well, this is domestic violence and, you know, I need to do something about it.

Rebecca Archer 

Is there a place for early education about this kind of thing? Should this be something that is perhaps brought into a school environment at a primary school level or a high school level to ensure that everyone is aware of what the signs of domestic violence are or tend to be?

Ben Bjarnesen 

Yeah, definitely. And, you know, when I've spoken to young people, they've sort of said, you know, we know what the signs of an unhealthy relationship are, but a lot of the time unaware of what the signs of a healthy relationship is or what a healthy relationship looks like. So I think there needs to be more education in that sense, but also making sure that LGBTQ voices and experiences are included in those educational materials, because from what I understand, it's generally information education around men using violence against women. So LGBTQ people are often left out of that conversation. And that can contribute to that belief that it doesn't affect LGBTQ communities or people or. Or if it does, that it's not as serious as when it's in a heterosexual relationship.

Rebecca Archer 

What can workplaces do to better support people who are experiencing family and intimate partner violence? 

Ben Bjarnesen 

We've got a pledge at the LGBTQ Domestic Violence Awareness foundation for employers or individuals, which I know Grant Thornton's actually a signatory to. Over 2,000 people and organisations have taken this pledge so far, and it includes a number of things, like pledging to ensure that your organisation's domestic and family violence policy is inclusive of all genders and sexualities, making LGBTQ specific domestic violence resources available to your employees or to your clients, including LGBTQ people in all domestic violence conversations and initiatives, ensuring that within your workplace you can identify and respond to the needs of LGBTQ staff members or clients. 

And things like, you know, promoting the LGBTQ awareness Day on 28 May every year on your social media and throughout your workplace holding events, you know, consider fundraising or including the foundation in like workplace giving programs. But I think the most recent and most exciting addition that we can offer now is on the 28th of May this year we released See Hear Believe for Communities and Workplaces, which is a free eLearning product developed for family, friends, workplaces, colleagues to identify abuse occurring in LGBTQ relationships or families and then knowing how to have those conversations, what they can say to that person to help support them, where they can refer them to how to do that and things that they can do in their day to day roles within the workplace to make LGBTQ people feel supported and like there is people there that they can talk to if they are experiencing violence or abuse.

Rebecca Archer 

And beyond that, are there other sort of tangible steps that workplaces can take to support the community if they're sort of feeling strongly even if it's not something, something sort of specific to their own individual workforce, but they feel that this is an important issue that they'd like to elevate and gain some greater awareness for?

Ben Bjarnesen 

Yeah, we've got a bunch of resources on our website. There's anything from survivor stories to information about healthy and unhealthy relationship traits, the relationship checklist, and also a toolkit that we've got that has got a number of tips and ideas that workplaces can use to demonstrate their support to LGBTIQ plus employees or to their clients. So I would encourage anyone in any workplace to go and access those resources.

Rebecca Archer 

Are you able to flesh out a little bit more information about that toolkit? What does that entail?

Ben Bjarnesen 

So the toolkit just covers things like normally we aim it around the awareness day, but it's covering things like, you know, being visible in the workplace. So having visible identifiers, posters and wearing pins and having lanyards and things like that that people can recognize. Taking the pledge is another one hosting an activity, so having, you know, a lunch and learn, a morning tea, some sort of educational session with your employees and then, you know, making it visible, promoting that on your workplace social media, on your LinkedIn. We also look at other things like fundraising or donating, wearing your support. So wearing clothes, pins and other visible identifiers for LGBTQ people to make them feel safe within the workplace and if they're disclosing and yeah, like I was saying, just get onto those resources, have a look at them, spread the word and make it more visible. Because at the moment, when we do talk about LGBTQ domestic violence, it's very much an invisible issue a lot of the time, and victims and survivors can feel invisible and like they're not seen or like they're not believed. So having those resources out there and having those conversations can really support them in feeling like they are, will be supported if they do experience violence.

Rebecca Archer 

Now, Ben, in 2020, you started the LGBTQ Domestic Violence Awareness Foundation. What's been your greatest achievement in that time?

Ben Bjarnesen 

We've had quite a few, to be honest, but I guess the foundation supports LGBTQ victim survivors of domestic and family violence through awareness, through education, through advocacy, and breaking down those barriers to accessing help. So that's done through our eLearning program. So, like I was talking about before, we've got one for communities and workplaces. We've also got one of our first one was for frontline workers, so for our police officers, our nurses, our doctors, our psychologists, our DV support workers, information education on for them to know how to appropriately identify and respond to domestic and family violence in our communities. We've also developed a lot of educational resources where people can either get hard copies of those or download them. And we present at events, forums, workplaces and things like that, and, you know, speak with government departments and organisations trying to break down those barriers for LGBTQ people, going into those organisations and accessing support and making sure that it's inclusive for everyone.

Rebecca Archer 

Is there any way to quantify how many countries might be involved in this initiative? How many individuals or organisations that you've been able to help?

Ben Bjarnesen 

Yes. So in the last five years, we have expanded internationally, which has been fantastic. The LGBTQ Domestic Violence Awareness Day is now marked in 20 countries across the world. We've reached 71,000 visitors to our website from over 140 countries and we've distributed over 56,000 educational resources just throughout Australia through our online store, through our Pride stores, through police stations, health clinics and things like that. And thankfully, in the last year alone, we've reached 13.5 million people through our earned media campaigns that we've done. So it's been a huge effort, but as we progress more and more every year, we are getting a lot more people engaged and learning more about this huge issue in our communities.

Rebecca Archer

If you can look back to 2020, when all of this sort of began, did you ever think it would get to where it is today?

Ben Bjarnesen 

No, absolutely not. When we first started it was literally just meant to be a one-off, in person event in Brisbane, here in Queensland, based off a little grant that we got from the Queensland Government. Then of course COVID happened so we had to take that online. And during that time we just had such an incredible response and we had millions of people within that first month engage with the website and with our social media and we just had so many messages of support from people, victim, survivors, saying, you know, this is the first time that my experiences of domestic and family violence has been validated. This is the first time that I felt seen, this is the first time I've felt heard and supported. So it became really evident that it couldn't just be a one-off event and we had to continue in our mission to raise more awareness because it wasn't just in Australia that we were getting these messages from, it was internationally. So we're getting contacted from the US, the UK, Canada. There was just nothing like it around the world.

So it was great to be able to bring that awareness. And obviously since then we've grown from just having an awareness day every year to now having those programs like See Hear Believe and the ongoing sort of educational resources that we develop and distribute.

Rebecca Archer 

Ben, what are some key initiatives or perhaps statistics that you're really, really proud of?

Ben Bjarnesen 

I guess our See Hear Believe eLearning program, like I was saying, we released one last year on 28 May, which for frontline workers and their responses. So it's now since then available through learning management systems used by more than 170,000 frontline workers across the country. So it's been taken up by Queensland Health, Victoria Police, Queensland Police, Queensland Corrective Services, the Federal Department of Social Services and many others. On top of that, it's also available for people to complete online, where we've had 3,700 online enrollments to date and it's achieved a completion rate of over 95% higher than the industry average for non-compulsory eLearning. So it is a fantastic product. I know when you normally mention eLearning people don't generally get excited, but this one has been created by lived experience stories, experts, advocates from our communities and it's just such a powerful, powerful tool and program. So people have been really engaged in it and we are just so thrilled that it's having such an incredible impact.

Rebecca Archer 

And for people who are wanting to get involved, what exactly is the pathway for that?

Ben Bjarnesen 

Lots of different ways, I suppose. I think the first thing would be to have a look at those eLearning programs. Whether you're a frontline worker or whether you are a workplace, community member, family member, have a look at those programs and just learn some more about LGBTQ people's experiences of domestic violence and abuse and what you can do as both an individual and a workplace to make LGBTQ people feel more safe and included in the workplace if they were to need support. I think that's the first one. If otherwise, if you want to get involved, like I said, there's the toolkit where you can look at ways you can get involved or do things in your workplace. There's the pledge. Or if you want to get involved in the Foundation as a volunteer, if you go to our website and use the contact form, we've got board members and coordinators in every state and territory across Australia. So we try to get out to as many community events and pride events as we can.

We are 100% volunteer run and non-funded, so sometimes we do lack a bit of capacity to do everything that we want to do, but we certainly do get out to those sort of events in every state and territory.

Rebecca Archer 

I'm curious if you ever get feedback from people who have benefited from this information and the services, if you might be able to share some stories or experiences that have really stayed with you.

Ben Bjarnesen 

There are so many. When I do get messages and things like that, I do save them. I've got more than 150 of those now. Messages from people saying, you know, thanks to your speech or your presentation or your resources, I've identified abuse in my own relationship. And thanks to that, I've been able to take the steps necessary to make myself safe or to get out of that relationship, if that's what they want to do. So it has had an incredible impact. Just knowing that we've helped one person would be fantastic. But getting those messages from people saying this foundation or this campaign or your story has helped me seek safety.

So, you know, one survivor said to us, as someone who's overcome LGBTQ + domestic violence, finding this resource has been incredible. And they spent years not knowing if it was possible for abuse from another woman to be counted as domestic violence. So they thanked us and, you know, said, we'll continue to speak loud and share the resources and support the foundation. So we've get so many messages like that. And it's just what drives us to continue this really important work.

Rebecca Archer 

What is on the horizon for you? Have you got any upcoming projects that you're able to talk a little bit about.

Ben Bjarnesen 

We have only just released the See Hear Believe for workplaces and communities. So at the moment we're going to have a little break from any big projects like that. But we continue to, you know, do presentations and go to those Pride events and build those resources and we've got a continuing online social media presence where we have resources and social media tiles and things like that around education awareness. So nothing really big on the horizon at the moment, aside from our day to day. But I'm sure there will be something coming up in the next 12 months because we've got such a fantastic group of board members and volunteers who cannot be stopped. So they will no doubt have some other fantastic projects to come up in the next 12 months.

Rebecca Archer 

Ben, what sort of response do you get from colleagues in the police force and what's their reception to you when they find out about this work that you've created and that you advocate for?

Ben Bjarnesen 

Queensland Police now has a number of learning programs and courses around domestic and family violence and responses. My story is part of one of those that is completely compulsory for every police officer and staff member in the service. So it's been really fantastic. I've had such a great response from officers and people saying, you know, I didn't realize that was the case and I hadn't actually considered violence in LGBTQ communities beforehand. So really fantastic response. And I've even had officers, like a number of officers come and say, you know, it wasn't until I heard your story that I actually recognised abuse in my own relationship and was able to do something about it. So. So it's helping hopefully not only the community but also other employees to be able to make themselves safe and escape domestic and family violence.

Rebecca Archer 

Just finally, Ben, anyone who is listening and wants to perhaps reach out to you, find out more about the kind of work that you're doing or even to get involved. How should they get in touch?

Ben Bjarnesen 

Yeah, I'd just encourage people to go to our website, which is dvafoundation.org where you can find lots of information resources where to access help along with those programs See Hear Believe that I was talking about earlier. Lots of information on there, but always just feel free to get in touch via the website or via LinkedIn and always happy to help.

Rebecca Archer 

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I'm Rebecca Archer. Thank you for listening.